Chode Picks – Week 10

And so begins the part of the season where I neglect my duties as Commander in Chode to avoid dropping out of school.  That’s right, the Picks are going to be shorter than usual for the next 6 weeks.  You see, I’ve gotten to a stretch in my career that requires me to be at the hospital for 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and that’s precisely why I attempted to pass of that “Best of the Chode Picks” bullshit off as a legit post last week.  My apologies.  Unless you enjoyed it as much as I did. 

Luckily however, today is my day off, so it’s time to drink some beer, listen to Nickelback and write something hilariously offensive.  So without further delay, TO THE PICKS!

#25 WISCONSIN BADGERS (6-2) at PURDUE BOILERMAKERS (3-6)

Normally this is where I’d take credit for predicting that Gary Andersen’s crew would kick the shit out of both Maryland and Purdue, but let’s be honest; that’s like predicting Derrick Rose would get hurt in the first week of the NBA season. (LOL. Too soon?)  Anyways, it sets up a glorious matchup next Saturday, when the 8-1 Nebraska Cornholers travel to Madison to get see their Big Ten title hopes crushed beneath the thunderous charge of the Badger rushing attack.  It helps that Joel put together his best game in the past two years today, throwing for 200 yards and 2 scores. All aboard the Stave bandwagon.  I’d also like to point out that back in early August, after Tanner McBench was named the starter, I bet my father that Joel would win the job back before Thanksgiving.  So even though I’m pretty certain he stopped reading the picks long ago, time to pay up, Dad.  Looks like you’re buying all the beer I can drink on Thanksgiving weekend.

WISCONSIN by 9 (wins in a row over the Boilermakers)

CHICAGO BEARS (3-5) at GREEN BAY PACKERS (5-3)

First of all, congratulations to the New Orleans Saints on claiming 1^st place in the NFC South.  Hold your head high. That’s like being the smartest kid on the short bus, or having the highest GPA in your sorority.  And yes, I’m still a little bitter about the loss in the Superdome two weeks ago.  Luckily, we have what amounts to three straight bye weeks in a row now, facing off against the Bears, Eagles (now featuring Mark “Butt Fumble” Sanchez!) and Vikings.  Hopefully the Lions drop a couple of games over that span.  Otherwise we’ll just have to win the Super Bowl as a wildcard again.  Expect Rodgers to put up a QB rating of infinity this week against a depleted Chicago defense.

GREEN BAY by 17

Also, I’m gonna tempt fate for a second season in a row: 15 Chode Points to whoever predicts the Packers’ winning margin tomorrow night.  You’re allowed to pick the same value as somebody else.

#14 OHIO STATE BUCKEYES (7-1) at #8 MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS (7-1)

Winner of this game gets the honor of crushing Wisconsin in the Big Ten championship game this December.  So I’ll be rooting for the stadium to collapse on everyone involved tonight.

MICHIGAN STATE by 7

#3 WISCONSIN BADGER BASKETBALL (0-0) vs REST OF NCAA (0-0)

I don’t think I’ve written about last season’s Final Four run yet, so let me summarize in two words: Fuck Kentucky.  And with this season beginning in less than a week, it’s time to start gearing up for another run at the title.  Looking at the schedule, we have an astoundingly easy path to the conference crown. Six ranked teams, and only one in the top 15. (#4 Duke, and we get them early before their young guys learn how to play together) If the stars align, there’s a legitimate chance we could grab the #1 overall seed in the NCAA tournament. Of course, that doesn’t mean a damn thing because any single elimination 68-team tournament is mostly a crapshoot.  It’s very possible that this team will be better than last season, yet fail to make a repeat trip to the Final Four.  But that won’t stop us from winning a Big Ten title.  Kaminsky for Naismith.

Also, those of you who’ve been reading me for years might have noticed that last year, the VERY FIRST YEAR after Mike Bruesewitz graduated, was the first time Bo Ryan’s team made a Final Four.  The curse of the Breuser is real.  And he still owes me a drink.

BADGER BASKETBALL finishes 26-3

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES (2-3) at MIAMI HEAT (3-2)

I never thought I’d say this, but it’s nice not having the spotlight on my team anymore.  Refreshing even, now that I don’t have to defend LeBron when the idiot sportswriters of the world try to imply some greater meaning into his every move.  Also, Chris Bosh is averaging 24 points and 11 rebounds a game, meaning all of you who thought he wasn’t worthy of playing with LeBron and Wade the past four seasons are fucking morons. He’ll end up in the MVP conversation whether you like it or not.  And don’t act surprised when Kevin Durant signs with the Heat two years from now.  We deserve him.  Best fans in the league.

HEAT by 12

SCOTT WALKER (3-0) vs MADISON LIBERALS (0-3)

First of all, I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican.  My beliefs lie somewhere in the gray area between the two extremes. But damn, it’s satisfying to watch all of these loud, moronic “activists” in Madison get their idealistic dreams crushed by the truths of the real world.  And now my state owns the only Governor in the history of the United States of America to win THREE elections in less than FOUR calendar years.  Also, Tuesday night I was out at the Chasers Bar and Grille, the second greatest bar in the Midwest, when a girl approached our trivia table with a camera and made the mistake of asking if we’d do an interview about the election.

Girl: So who’s gonna be the brave one to do the interview?

Trivia team: (points at Chode)

Girl: Okay, I’m going to ask questions but I want you to answer into the camera.  First I need you to state your name.

Chode: MY NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON.

Girl: Okay, Robert.  Did you vote in the election today?
Chode: Nope.
Girl: Why not?
Chode: Did Scott Walker win by just one vote?
Girl: Umm, no.
Chode: Then it didn’t matter.

I said a few other things too, but they weren’t important.  I’m guessing she probably won’t use the footage.  But five points if you can tell me what kind of cancer Paulson had.

SCOTT WALKER by 137,607 votes

I was thinking about re-starting the NovemBeer competition this year but after Nate Mocadlo slaughtered everyone last winter I decided it would be a waste of time.  But ten points to whoever grows the best mustache/beard by the end of the month.

Here's a video of every interception Jay Cutler has thrownto a Packer player.  Can’t wait to watch him to add a couple more to the count in a few hours.  Go Pack Go.

- Chode Out.