Chode Picks - Week 1

Chode Picks - Week 1

It was not an easy decision. For months I wondered if I had one more season in me. I knew I still had the desire to write, but I wasn’t sure if my aging fingers could take the pounding that 17 more weeks had to offer. At the end of the day though, it wasn’t the money, the glory, the desire, or even the bangin’ hot broads that being the writer of the Chode Picks brings.

It’s about revenge. It’s about knowing that my career cannot be complete until I outlast that purple bastard. You know who. The Evil One has returned and I can’t let the sun go down on the Chode Picks until I see him throw his last pick-six.

With that, I am officially announcing my un-retirement as an amateur sportswriter. I promise to go the distance, all the way to the Sorry For Partying Championship Game, even if Chode’s All Stars get knocked out along the way (don’t bet on it). I promise to put my blood, sweat, tears and other bodily fluids into this column, both literally and figuratively. I promise serious football analysis, mixed with a healthy dose of immature humor and a few alcohol-inspired rants. I hope I can count on you to see it through with me. Thanks in advance.

Before I get to the Week 1 picks, there are some offseason issues that need to be addressed. 

This year, we may witness the greatest football season in the history of the state of Wisconsin. It is a well-known fact that Green Bay currently has the best football team on the planet, led by Aaron Rodgers, the man who is on pace to become the greatest quarterback in NFL history. I honestly don’t know why Mike McCarthy thought it was necessary to sign a punter this season. Or a kicker. Rodgers is Dan Marino with larger testicles. And a beard. Correction: Aaron Rodgers is a cross between Dan Marino and Jesus. The 1972 Dolphins are trembling in their South Florida retirement homes.

In addition to the forthcoming Super Bowl victory, we may also be lucky enough to see the University of Wisconsin play in their first BCS bowl game since 2000. The Badgers are currently flying under the radar at #11, but expect them to jump into the national title hunt after they defeat Ohio State and Iowa. You heard it here first.

Speaking of college football, I hope most of you were able to enjoy the Boise State – Virginia Tech game on Monday night. The #3 Broncos kept their national title hopes alive with a 3-point victory over the #10 Hokies. In fact, Tech is the only ranked opponent on Boise State’s schedule all year. Expect Boise to roll through their conference schedule and into the national championship game for the fist time. Kellen Moore’s strong performance, combined with Mark Ingram’s injury, instantly made Moore the Heisman front-runner after just one week. If Moore matches his production from last season, the Idaho media machine should be more than enough to propel him to the Heisman.

Now that we’re all caught up, time for the first set of 2010 Chode Picks. Try to contain your excitement.

Its on like Ndamukong vs Mountain Dudes

I’m gonna be honest with you. Ndamukong Suh scares the hell out of me. The thought of that giant bastard coming after Aaron Rodgers gives me nightmares. Luckily, nobody else on the Lion’s defensive line warrants mentioning, so Green Bay’s pass protection should be able to handle him. As far as this matchup goes, I like the Mountain Dudes. The Steelers – Falcons game should be a ground war, which means that Turner and Mendenhall will rack up big points for Nate. Also, Jahvid Best sucks. His best game in college came against the Minnesota Gophers. Then he got hurt and sat out for the rest of the year. Really not all that impressive.

Mountain Dudes by 5

Brett Favre vs Abu Garcia

How dare you Jason. Please explain to me what motivated you to name your team after the Traitor. I will not pick you to win a game until you change it. As for Favre himself, I’m looking forward to a watching a repeat of the ass-kicking that the Saints put on him last January. I honestly don’t think that Benedict Brett has the balls to make it through another 16-game season, and I cant wait to watch the trainers haul his sorry ass off the field on a stretcher.

Abu Garcia by 4

Team Beaupre vs Flaming Gingers

Flaming Gingers. I love it. I can always count on Dan for a great fantasy team name. Team Beaupre, not so much. Team Beaupre is about as exciting as watching the Bears offense go three and out, which usually doesn’t happen, because Cutler likes throwing to the guys in opposite-colored jerseys. Yeah, there’s no way Chicago will ever regret giving up two first-round picks for him.

Gingers by 27

Gotta get up to get down vs The Fightin’ Aromashodus
Awesome QB matchup. Rodgers vs Manning. I think this is the year that Rodgers passes up Manning and Brees as the best quarterback in the NFL, and it starts this week. Also, I’m surprised Kenne isn’t starting Dez Bryant. According to every ESPN analyst, Bryant is going to be a cross between Jerry Rice and Mickael Irvin. I’m not buying it. I think Bryant and Jahvid Best are the two most overrated rookies in the league. I’ll eat my words when either one of them makes a Pro Bowl.

Gotta get up to get down by 12

Chode’s All Stars vs ThongPong4LIFE

This is the year. I’m telling you, pencil in Chode’s All Stars for the Sorry for Partying 2010 Championship Game. This team is LOADED. It’s really a beautiful sight. I just hope that the rest of the league can take some time to appreciate the masterpiece that I have crafted with this team. If you can’t tell, I’m not picking ThongPong this week. It doesn’t help that he left two receiver slots empty either.

Chode’s All Stars by 900

A few final predictions before we start the season. Feel free to throw these back in my face if I they end up being completely wrong.
- The Dallas Cowboys will lose their first playoff game.
- The Baltimore Ravens will also lose their first playoff game.
- The San Francisco 49ers will make the playoffs.(that’s not a typo)
- The Minnesota Vikings will miss the playoffs.
- The Green Bay Packers will play the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLV.


- Chode out.