Chode Picks - Week 3

Football is a game of patience and perseverance. It’s a game that rarely hands out quick rewards, and punishes those who take shortcuts. Players and teams often have to wait years for their chance to break onto the national scene. To be truly successful in the sport, a player must maintain a vision of the long-term goal they hope to achieve. And at last, when he finally reaches his goal, his hour in the spotlight is made all that much sweeter by the knowledge of the work that it took to get there. These are lessons that Ohio’s Brandon Hanning know all too well. When Hanning enrolled at Ohio University in the fall of 2009, he did so with a single goal in mind. He endured the countless hours of physical and mental training required to gain a starting position on the squad, and finally, when opportunity came knocking on Mr. Hanning’s door, he drop-kicked, tackled, and punched opportunity in its oversized head. Over and over. In front of 105,075 screaming fans in the Horseshoe. 
Last Saturday, in a display of amazing testicular fortitude, the 19-year old Ohio Bobcat mascot ambushed Ohio State’s Brutus the Buckeye as Brutus and the OSU players came running out onto the field in Columbus. Initially, Brutus appeared stunned after being knocked to the ground by Rufus the Bobcat’s initial attack. Brutus soon recovered however, and sprinted away to the end zone like a coward.
Hanning wasn’t finished, however. Not even close. The Bobcat chased the Ohio State mascot into his own endzone and leaped onto Brutus’ back, WWE-style. He rode the Buckeye to the ground and proceeded to punch Brutus in his stupid face until being dragged away by security.
Hanning then had sex with every female in the stadium.
For this display of awesomeness, the Chode would like to offer his highest congratulations to Brandon Hanning, the early favorite for the Chode Picks Man of the Year award. Live long and prosper.

In other football news, ESPN’s daily show SportsNation came to the UW campus on Monday. The show’s host, Colin Cowherd, regularly interacts with his audience during the show, and he was treated to a large contingent of Wisconsin students to film the live 1-hour show with. During commercial breaks, Cowherd took questions from the students, and it is my pleasure to tell you that SportsNation’s leading analyst, when asked, picked the Packers to face the Steelers in the Super Bowl this year. However, it is my extreme displeasure to tell you that Cowherd denied my request for a friendly, sports analyst duel to the death. When I attempted to engage him in an on-stage duel anyways, I was quickly brutalized by security and threatened with words like “assault”, “under arrest” and “jail time”. As you can see, Colin is a bitch. I’m not finished with you, Coward. We shall meet again.

Also, the Packers beat the hell out of the Buffalo Bills last week, and the Wisconsin Badgers squeezed out a one-point victory over Arizona State. Hooray. The Chode would like to apologize for his erroneous statement last week, when I indicated that the Badgers were playing Austin Peay (pronounced: Austin Pee). We play Austin Peay this Saturday.

Time for the Picks:

Its on like Ndamukong (1-1) vs Brett Favre (1-1)

Take a guess who leads the NFL in fantasy points right now. Did you guess Jahvid Best? Me neither. It appears I may have been too quick to label Jahvid as a bust before the season began, although I still have faith that the Lions will find some way to wreck him. Anyways, he scored 41 points on Eric’s bench last week. Forty-one points. That’s almost as much as Ndamukong’s entire starting lineup scored in their week 2 loss. Probably just a fluke though, I would keep him on the bench again this week. In fact, I would probably trade him while his value is high, say for Robert Meachem or Jonathan Stewart. Or both, even. Anyways, Ndamukong is projected to win by 28 points, so I really can’t argue with that.

Its on like Ndamukong by 28

Team Beaupre (2-0) vs Abu Garcia (1-1)

Congratulations to Team Beaupre on being the last undefeated team standing. Damn, that was quick. Enjoy it while you can Mike, because you’re soon going to be on the wrong end of a Packers-Bears ass-whooping in Soldier Field on Monday night. Fun fact: Chicago has not defeated a team that has won a game yet. Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews could probably take down the Bears by themselves. Also, don’t expect Jay Cutler to keep playing this well. Sooner or later his jersey-color blindness will get the best of him. On a side note, a game to watch this week will be Dallas at Houston. The thought of Jerry Jones’s team getting knocked down to 0-3 against the “other” team in Texas makes me chuckle.

Team Beaupre by 11

The Fightin’ Aromashodus (1-1) vs Flaming Gingers (1-1)

Sooner or later I’m going to remember how to spell Aromashodu without looking twice. Also, sooner or later people are going to realize that Michael Crabtree is overrated. Putting up big numbers in a pass-only offense at Texas Tech does not make you a good pro. On the other hand, Alex Smith is his quarterback. Remember when he went #1 overall in the 2005 draft, and Aaron Rodgers went #24? Ha, yeah me too. Good call, 49ers. I like The Fightin’ Aromashodus (got it!) in this matchup because Jennings and Finley are due for a couple of scores in Chicago.

The Fightin’ Aromashodus by 88

Gotta get up to get down (1-1) vs ThongPong4LIFE (0-2)

Aaron Rodgers vs The Traitor, hmm……… Who am I picking this week? First, I want to congratulate Will on being the only member of the league who has yet to win a game. Keep your eyes on the prize buddy, 0-14 is in reach! Also, I need to take some time here to dissect Benedict Brett’s performance against the Dolphins last week. The “Gunslinger” threw three interceptions and fumbled once in the end zone, resulting in a Miami touchdown. Judas Favre compiled a passer rating of 44.3. If a quarterback drops back and fires every pass straight into the ground, he gets a 39.6 rating. The best part is, Minnesota’s defense held the Dolphins to just seven points, and the Vikings still lost. If any other quarterback in the league had been playing for Minnesota, they would have been victorious. Remember, the Chode predicted at the start of the season that the Vikings would implode and miss the playoffs. I had no idea it would happen this early.

Gotta get up to get down by 2,145

Chode’s All Stars (1-1) vs Mountain Dudes (1-1)

Fuck you, Nate.

Chode’s All Stars by 2.998x10^8

A few more thoughts before I call it a wrap for week 3:

Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson is considered an early Heisman favorite, having scored victories over Conneticut, Notre Dame, and D1-AA powerhouse Massachusetts. Last season at this time, Michigan quarterback Tate Forcier was an early favorite to win the Heisman as well. As you may recall, he did not win the Heisman.

President Obama is visiting UW-Madison next Tuesday, for no particular reason. Personally, I think Obama is coming to the most liberal city in the Midwest because he needs to be reassured that there are people out there who still think he’s doing a good job. Don’t count me among them. When he was elected in 2008, I wrote in this very column that “Obama will make a fine president”. I deeply regret the error. Obama has fallen victim to the same trap as countless other politicians before him: he promised much more than he could deliver. If the Republicans can field a respectable candidate in 2012, I expect Obama’s presidency to come to an abrupt end.

The Bears still suck.

-Chode Out.