Chode Picks - Week 10

Welcome back friends, and Happy Veteran’s Day. Before we begin, the Chode would like to take a moment to salute the heroes that have defended our great nation for the past 234 years. God bless America.
This week’s picks are brought to you by Everclear Grain Alcohol, fighting the scourge of sobriety since 1958.
Last week was a great one for football in the state of Wisconsin, with the #7 Badgers scoring a 34-13 win over Purdue, and the Packers handing the Dallas Cowboys a 45-7 ass-whooping. I was lucky enough to attend the Sunday night Packer game, and I have to say that it was the best game I’ve seen Green Bay play in person. The Packers dominated every aspect of the game, and the crowd was fantastic, despite the lopsided score. The young, depleted Packer defense forced four turnovers and held Dallas to just 205 total yards, and Aaron Rodgers looked nearly flawless on the offensive end. On the other side of the coin, the Cowboys have clearly thrown down the gauntlet to the Buffalo Bills, challenging them for the title of NFL’s worst team. Team owner Jerry Jones fired head coach Wade Phillips the day after the game, fulfilling Chode’s prophecy (and by prophecy, I mean screaming “You’re gonna get fired!” at Phillips after a stupid Dallas challenge). The only low point of the game for Packer fans was when defensive lineman Ryan Pickett was injured after being inadvertently struck by Clay Matthews’ giant dong as Matthews blew up Marion Barber to stuff the Cowboys on 4th and 1. 

In college football news, I took the time to wade through the Big Ten’s convoluted football tiebreaker procedure this week, and came to the following conclusion: go Buckeyes. I’m not kidding. If Wisconsin, Ohio State and Michigan State all win out, there will be a three-way tie for first place in the Big Ten. Since OSU didn’t play the Spartans this season, the head-to-head tiebreaker doesn’t apply to the three-way logjam. This means that the Big Ten’s Rose Bowl representative would be the team that is ranked the highest in the BCS standings. That team is currently the Wisconsin Badgers. Ohio State plays Penn State, Iowa and Michigan in the last three weeks of the season. Wisconsin should root for the Buckeyes to win all three games, but not by enough that they would jump over Wisconsin in the BCS standings. Of course, if Michigan State loses to Purdue or Penn State, it won’t matter what OSU does as long as the Badgers win out. In summary, we’re all Buckeye fans for the next three weeks. Except for you, Tietz. And it really doesn’t matter who you cheer for because the Gophers are going to finish the season 1-11, with the lone victory coming over Middle Tennessee. At this point, we might as well kick Minnesota out of the Big Ten and let the North Dakota Fighting Sio……….. errr, North Dakotans into the league. Might improve our strength of schedule a bit.

One more college football item before we get to the picks. See if you can follow me here. The Boise State Broncos began the season ranked third. All the Broncos have done since then is go undefeated with an average margin of victory of 34 points, including wins over #10 Virginia Tech and #24 Oregon State. For all of this, the pollsters have rewarded Boise by dropping them to #4, despite the fact that both of the teams ranked ahead of them at the start of the season lost. For most teams, winning all of your games means that you move up in the rankings. For the Broncos, however, it means that you get repeatedly leapfrogged by teams from the so-called “power conferences”. Mark my words, while Oregon plays Auburn in the National Championship game this January, Boise State will be stuck playing TCU in the 3rd annual “Separate but Equal” Bowl. All the Broncos have done for the past three seasons is beat everyone that has been unfortunate enough to play them. It’s time to give Boise a shot at the title.

By the way, the Badgers would totally kick Boise State’s ass if they played in the Rose Bowl.

Chode’s All Stars (3-6) vs ThongPong4LIFE (1-8)

I never thought I would see the day. If you didn’t notice, ThongPong ACTUALLY WON A FREAKING GAME LAST WEEK. Honestly, when I checked the fantasy scores on Monday, I refreshed my browser three times, confident that there must have been some kind of scoring mistake by NFL.com. Nope. Will’s team has escaped the infamy of becoming the first team in league history to go overdefeated. Congratulations. Don’t expect the winning streak to continue, though. My team finally got it’s collective shit together last week, putting me in third place in the division. Chode’s All-Stars are loading up for a late-season run. I can feel it. It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. Unless, of course, you’re the Miami Heat, and in that case if you don’t start the season well, everyone writes you off even though your starting five has yet to play ten games together and Mike Miller will be coming back from injury fairly soon. I might be the only Heat fan in Madison, but I’m sticking with this team until the end. And you’re going to keep reading about it.

Chode’s All Stars by eleventy billion

Gotta get up to get down (4-5) vs Team Beaupre (8-1)

It’s hard to pick Kenne when Roddy White has already scored 35 points for Team Beaupre. Also, I don’t really feel like writing about this matchup, so I’m going to tell you a little about America’s Team: the Oakland Raiders. You heard me. No professional team embodies so much about our nation than the 5-4 Raiders. Frivolous spending? Check. Questionable leadership? Check. Internal bickering? Check. Storied history? Check. Loads of talent? Check. Smokin’ hot cheer-babes? Check. And I’m not even going to mention the Al Davis prostitution scandal. So there you have it: the Oakland Raiders are this season’s America’s Team. Just win, baby.

Team Beaupre by 1976

McClusterFuck (5-4) vs Brett Favre (4-5)

McClusterFuck, eh? Yeah, I would feel that way too if I was responsible for ThongPong’s only win of the season. Shit happens, man. Don’t let it get to you. Peyton Manning knows this, since two days after I anointed him as the greatest football player of all time, he promptly crapped the bed and threw two picks in a loss to the Eagles. He must have read the picks and let it go to his head. That’s the only logical explanation. Shape up, Peyton. You don’t want people to start calling you Eli. Also, I hate to admit it, but Percy Harvin is really good. I don’t understand how the Vikings are so awful with him and Peterson on the field at the same time. Oh that’s right. Brad Childress.

McClusterFuck by 12

Its on like Ndamukong (3-6) vs Mountain Dudes (5-4)

Speaking of dudes who are really good at football, Ndamukong Suh. Apparently the only thing he can’t do is kick extra points. Despite Suh’s presence, I think that the Lions will give the Bills their first win of the season this week, and Detroit fans will start watching Michigan State basketball instead of the NFL for the rest of the year. By the way, Nate, I think your team is awful. I don’t know how you managed to win 5 out of 9 games. You must have cheated. Shame on you.

Its on like Ndamukong by 92

Somewhere over Dwaye Bowe (7-2) vs Brett Favre is a Douchebag (5-4)

Yes. Yes he is. Glad you’re getting the message Dan. If there’s been one recurring theme in the Chode Picks over the past year and a half, its been exactly that: Brett Favre is a bag of douche. Also, Jared/Jon, I’m very disappointed in your lack of a clever new team name this week. Unacceptable. I’m surprised you haven’t been able to come up with a Jenn Sterger reference. Shouldn’t be too hard, you’ve got some material to work with there (more specifically, four inches and a pair of Crocs). Don’t let me down again.

Brett Favre is a Douchebag by 9

I left this last topic until the end of the picks, because frankly, I didn’t want to think about it any more than I had to.
Al Harris, two-time Pro-Bowler, was released by the Green Bay Packers this week. This breaks my heart, because Harris was one of the original Packers that I grew up watching and rooting for. I always admired his physical style of play, and I wish we could have kept him around for the upcoming Super Bowl run. Apparently Coach McCarthy felt that Harris wasn’t going to recover well enough from last season’s torn ACL to contribute to the team. Although I trust McCarthy’s decisions, I’m having a hard time believing that Harris was the least valuable player on the roster. Honestly, we couldn’t have cut Matt Wilhelm, James Starks or Diryal Briggs? I guess the decision reflects the confidence that McCarthy has in Tramon Williams and Sam Shields, but if Harris ends up making another Pro Bowl in Miami, there are going to be a lot of pissed-off cheeseheads, and rightfully so. On a more positive note, the Packers also re-signed TE Spencer Havner this week. One of the links I’m posting this week shows you how to convert an old Favre jersey into a Havner jersey using only white and green electrical tape. The other link is dedicated to Al Harris.

- Chode Out.