Chode Picks - Week 7

Every season, there are a few games that transcend the sport of football. These are the games that inspire a state, define a program, and live forever in the memories of fans, players and coaches alike. Games like these are the reason we watch sports. We endure the pain and frustration of loss and missed expectations in hopes of witnessing such a once-in-a-lifetime event. We were given one of these games last Saturday. For the people at the game, it was a day that they will look back on years later, and tell friends and family “I was there”, and describe how it felt to watch David take down Goliath. Incredible is one of the most overused adjectives in sports, but there was simply no other way to describe it. Of course, you know which game I’m referring to. Six days ago, the Tigers of Louisiana State University took on the Cowboys of McNeese state in a titanic in-state rivalry game. After falling behind early, gritty, undermanned LSU fought its way back into the contest and pulled off a historic upset, led by the superb play of quarterback Jarrett Lee. Congratulations to Les Miles and the Tigers.

As amazing last week was in college football, however, it was also a great week for the NFL. The league’s new emphasis on concussion safety is long overdue. For years, the NFL has done nothing as many of its players have sustained serious neurological damage and suffered the consequences after retirement. There seem to be two schools of thought on this issue. There are those who think that the new concussion rules are a step in the right direction, and then there are idiots who tackle by spearing with their heads. Consider James Harrison. After the former defensive MVP was fined $75,000 for a pair of dangerous head shots against the Cleveland Browns last week, Mr. Harrison decided that the best course of action would be to throw a tantrum and threaten to retire. I’ve got some news for you James: the NFL doesn’t need you. There are plenty of other good linebackers who can make tackles without leading with their heads. If you can’t figure it out, then you shouldn’t be playing football at any level. Also, you made 20 million dollars over the past 3 years. You can probably find $75,000 in your couch cushions. Be a man, shut your mouth and pay the fine.

On a less serious note, I can’t type for shit right now. I meant to go to the library and hammer out the picks last night, but my roommates convinced me to have a drink and play some beer pong before I went. Well, one drink turned into ten and I ended up going to the bars instead. The next few hours are hazy in my memory, but I woke up at some girl’s apartment on State street this morning so I figure it must have been a good night. The good night, however, was followed by an awful morning. I missed my honors Physics lecture, barely stayed awake in Biochemistry and I think I’m still a bit drunk as I’m typing this. It’s 12:30PM, and I’m supposed to donate blood in 3 hours. This is going to be awful. Also, I remembered that I have Biochem exam on Monday that I should be studying for. I was going to put off the picks for another day, but then I remembered that I am Chode, the Michael Jordan of chemistry exams. Hooray. Anyways, I’m telling you all this because I want you to appreciate how difficult it is to find the time to type three or four pages of bullshit every week for your reading pleasure. So enjoy the picks, damn it.

Chode’s All Stars (2-4) vs Flaming Gingers (3-3)

Surprise! Chode’s All Stars lost again last week. By less than one point. One effing point. That’s ten yards rushing or receiving. Thanks for nothing, Chris Johnson. I hate my team. And I hate your team too, Dan, if only because you’re starting the Steelers defense, which contains James Harrison, dark horse candidate for Chode’s Douche of the Year award. Honestly, I can’t get over how much of a dick that guy is. Anyways, I’m due for a win this week.

Chode’s All Stars by 15

Gotta get up to get down (4-2) vs Snakes on a Reggie Wayne (4-2)

Snakes on a Reggie Wayne. I love it. If you don’t get the joke, it’s alright. I’ll save you the trouble of Googling “Reggie Wayne snakes”. Apparently, during his days at the Univeristy of Miami, Reggie Wayne shared a room with Baltimore safety Ed Reed, and Wayne owned a pet snake named Law (presumably, he also had a turtle named Order). Anyways, when Reggie left on weekends, Reed would take care of Law. Everything went swimmingly until Reed texted Wayne one weekend “Hey man, Law dead”. Yep, Ed Reed killed Reggie Wayne’s pet snake. This begs the question: how the hell do you accidentally kill a snake? They can go weeks without eating! I hope Reed never has children. Keep it up with the names, Jared.

Snakes on a Reggie Wayne by 8

Brett Favre (2-4) vs ThongPong4LIFE (0-6)

You’re really going to do it, aren’t you Will? You’re going to become the first team in league history to attain an overdefeated 0-14 record. ThongPong is projected to score a whopping 25 points this week. To put that in perspective, Chris Johnson of the Titans is projected to score 30. By himself. I really, really don’t want to pick Will to win. But I have to. I can’t pick a team named “Brett Favre” during Packer-Viking week. By the way, I’m feeling good about the game. Clay Matthews comes back, and considering the way the Vikings offensive line has been playing, I figure we’ll see Benedict Brett get smacked around pretty good by Clay and his giant testicles. At this point, I think Green Bay has too many injuries to make a Super Bowl run, but I’ll settle for beating Minnesota twice and winning the NFC North. Relax Packer fans, we’re going to be good for a long time, and we can always count on the Bears to choke for us.

ThongPong4LIFE by 4 (ugh)

Team Beaupre (5-1) vs Mountain Dudes (4-2)

If you haven’t noticed, next weekend is Halloween. YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! One of the best days of the year, every year. Let me know if any of you are coming to Madison. There’s usually a pretty awesome party in my apartment complex on big weekends like this. I must say though I’m a bit disappointed in the Freakfest band lineup on State street. Two years ago, we got OAR (great show, don’t remember much of it). Last year, we got Cage The Elephant and Third Eye Blind (once again, great show). This year? The headliner is OK Go. I HATE OK Go. I might not even go to the concert, if only to avoid the throngs of liberal hipsters. A few months ago, I started spreading the rumor that Nickelback and Foo Fighters were playing at Freakfest this year. I told enough people that eventually people started telling me that they were coming to Madison. My hope was that if enough spread the word around, they actually would come. Didn’t happen, and now we’re stuck with a shitty band. And yes, I listen to Nickelback. Don’t judge me.

Mountain Dudes by 31

Aww Yeeaaa Badgers Yeeaaa (4-2) vs Its on like Ndamukong (2-4)

As you may have heard, there was another college football upset last Saturday night. The number one ranked Ohio State Buckeyes traveled to the greatest city in the world to take on the 18th ranked Wisconsin Badgers. Almost 7 years to the day after Matt Schabert connected with Lee Evans to give the #23 Badgers a home win over the #3 Buckeyes in 2003, lightning struck again, in the form of David Gilreath’s 99-yard kickoff return on the first play of the game. The Badgers grabbed a quick 21-0 lead in the first quarter and never looked back on their way to a 31-18 ass-kicking. The two largest factors in the game were 1) Wisconsin’s offensive line, which dominated one of the best defensive front sevens in college football and 2) the raucous Camp Randall crowd. On a normal game day, the ground shakes outside of the stadium when the 4th quarter jump around occurs. In this game, people living half a mile from the stadium could feel the earth tremble……… in the FIRST QUARTER! I honestly think that Wisconsin might have the two best running backs in the Big Ten in John Clay and James White. Clay is a smaller, faster version of Ron Dayne, and White reminds me of Brian Calhoun. By the way, White is a true freshman.
Now I know this might come as a shock to you, but I have a confession to make: I wasn’t at the game until the end. I work at the hospital every Saturday and Sunday from 12:30-9:00PM as a Phlebotomist, so I was stuck watching the game on a flat screen TV in the ER between blood draws. When the fourth quarter came around and I realized that Wisconsin was actually going to upset the #1 ranked team in the nation, I told my co-workers “sorry, I’m leaving early today. I need to be at this game” and ran home. I jumped on my bike, pedaled as fast as I could to Camp Randall, and ran into the stadium with about two minutes left in regulation. I worked my way through the student section towards the front, and when the final gun sounded, I climbed over two dumb girls who were afraid to rush the field and sprinted past the assembled security guards with a few thousand of my fellow Badgers as the PA announcer pleaded “Fans, please stay in your seats”. Right. I have now had sex in Camp Randall (twice), ran around the field naked (post-coitus), and rushed the field all in the span of 6 months. My life is now complete. I can die in peace. To summarize: Aww Yeeaaa Badgers Yeeaaa.

Aww Yeeaaa Badgers Yeeaaa by 13

I want to let you know that I just gave blood, and surprisingly, my hangover feels better. Not what I expected at all. I asked one of the Red Cross workers if the person who gets my blood is going to get a buzz, and sadly, the answer is no. Too awesome to be true.

That’s all for the Chode Picks. This week, the picks are brought to you by………………………………………….. STEVE KARDYNAL! Enjoy.

-Chode Out.